If the topic of child sexual predators makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone. But the fact is that not talking about the issue gives sexual predators an advantage—informed parents can make better decisions about who to trust their children with; informed children, teenagers, and young people can make better decisions about how to protect themselves.

Sexual predators always choose a target area. When children, teens, and/or young adults are their intended victims they intentionally put themselves in positions where they come into contact with young people on a regular basis. Barns are a natural for attracting children, teens, and young adults. Parents may drop their kids off, unsupervised, for hours at a time, assuming they are in good hands. They may feel their teen or young adult is safe working and/or traveling with barn staff and provide very little supervision.

Most trainers, barn owners, grooms, and farriers are good, trustworthy people. But let’s take a moment to learn more about those who parade as nice people in order to gain access to young people. Successful sexual predators are skilled at passing themselves off as trustworthy. They are master manipulators who consciously work to gain the trust of both children and parents. They may be men or women, heterosexual or homosexual.

Ignorance is one of the key weapons of sexual predators. While many parents teach their children about “stranger danger” they don’t teach their children (or themselves) about the threat of being taken advantage of by an adult they know and trust.

If you’re thinking this topic is too tough to read, to let your kids read, or to discuss with children of any age, please think again. Convicted sex offenders report that kids who know what they’re up to are much more difficult to fool or abuse. And, if your kids know tough topics scare you, they’ll be less likely to confide in you in a difficult situation. Knowing the warning signs of sexual predators will help you to recognize and stop these behaviors.

Ironically, "grooming" is the term used to describe the behavior of child predators. Predators manipulate adults and children into trusting them, convincing them that they are nice people who genuinely care about young people. In this way, the adults are “conned” along with children.

After the fact, parents of children who have been sexually abused admit to having seen behaviors that made them uncomfortable—such as excessive touching or familiarity. Yet, instead of talking with the adult or a supervisor about it, they kept quiet. These adults were successfully “groomed” by the predator. They doubted their intuitive feelings, worried about over-reacting or embarrassing the adult in question—to the detriment of their own child.

While not all people who work with children are suspect, it is appropriate to keep an eye on adults who frequently volunteer to be with kids, chaperone events, or manage children at events. Predators often find what appears to be a good reason to single out a specific child and spend time with them in out of sight locations. While some behaviors are innocent, watch out for adults who are very familiar with children and young people—having their arms around shoulders or patting them on the backside. Ask questions, make unannounced visits, and speak up if a behavior makes you uncomfortable.

Likewise, keep an eye on the activities your kids are involved in away from home. Traveling to clinics and shows can give young people more independence and privilege than they can handle. Access to drugs and/or alcohol may be easier and can reduce awareness of inappropriate behavior, putting your child at risk.

Let’s celebrate the good people in our lives but be informed enough to detect the traitors in our midst and protect ourselves accordingly. Barns should be safe havens for all of us.

Resources:
The Joyful Heart Foundation (JoyfulHeartFoundation.org) offers resources and support for victims of all kinds of sexual assault and abuse.

National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (missingkids.com) provides the “Signs of Sexual Exploitation in Children.”

Recommended Reading:
The Gift of Fear, by Gavin de Becker. National bestseller discusses survival signals that can protect us from violence.